Liar
by gethsemane342
Summary: Five lies Blight Smith told before his death in the Quarter Quell


**Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games_**

**Rated for: death, one mention of prostituition**

_19/03/2012 - __Typo corrected_

Liar

1) "I'm not scared"

Blight was eighteen years old when he was called for the 57th Hunger Games. He walked onto the stage with a grim expression on his face. He had almost gotten away with it – a life free of the Hunger Games. Of course he would have had other things in his life to worry about such as making a living and avoiding accidents in the forests of District 7. But those were things he would have had a lot of control over.

When he said goodbye to his family, he wanted to break down and cry. But _they_ were so tearful and worried, all trying hard not to say anything suggesting that he might die within the next few weeks, that he suddenly heard himself say, in a remarkably steady voice, "Don't worry. I'm not scared. I'm going to win and come home, you'll see."

It became his defiant saying. He was a well-built teenager, strong from years of working as a lumberjack, and his mentor encouraged him to use this to his advantage. He spent training looking intimidating. He scowled in his interview. He told the entirety of Panem that he wasn't scared of a little game to rapturous applause.

When the interviews ended, he went back to his room, vomited into his toilet from nerves and proceeded to spend the entire night worrying about the arena.

In the Games, as the girl from District 4 taunted him, he shouted that he wasn't scared of her or anyone in the arena and then broke her neck. It surprised him. His hands had been shaking so much, he was surprised he could hold anything.

Even in the months before the Quell when he learnt he might have to go back in the arena and lay his life down for Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, he simply shrugged and said, "I'm not scared of death."

And when he died, not one person in the arena realised that he'd been terrified the entire time he was there.

It was a lie convincingly lived.

2) "I'm not going to kill you."

It pained him in years to come but the only thing he knew about the boy was that his name was Oskar, he was twelve years old and he came from District 5. He'd paid no attention to him during pre-Game training and had almost forgotten his existence when he saw him trying to steal his food on the second day. He grabbed the boy. Oskar yelled and then looked so panicked that Blight heard himself saying, "Oh for the love of Panem, shut up. I'm not going to kill you. If you tell me which berries are safe to eat."

It began a tenuous alliance. Oskar taught him about safe foods to eat. Blight protected him from other tributes. They rarely spoke and neither particularly trusted the other.

That's what made it easier for Blight on the sixth day. Oskar had gone slightly ahead, scouting. Blight heard a yell and then stumbled into a clearing where the Careers were holding Oskar tight. Even as he watched, the girl from District 2 stabbed him in the leg.

Blight weighed up the possibilities. Part of him was screaming for him to try to save Oskar. But the more rational part of him realised that any move towards saving Oskar was going to result in both of their deaths.

The Careers almost seemed curious for his reaction. He had created a bit of a stir by being one of the bigger and scarier tributes. Then the boy from District 4 made a suggestion – Blight could join them. _If_ he killed Oskar.

Blight drew his sword and ran Oskar through.

The brutality of it shocked everyone. The Careers seemed almost stunned at how quickly Blight could kill a child. Sponsorship rose for him. Blight himself gave off no reaction. But in his mind, all he could hear was his own voice, surly and irritated, snapping, _I'm not going to kill you_.

He made it his business to kill all of the Careers, one by one. To each one of them, he told them that their death was 'for Oskar'. He told them that he'd only done it to spare Oskar a worse death and so that none of them could win the Games. He was winning for his one-time ally.

That was a lie too. In a way. He did blame the Careers for Oskar's death. But every night, in his nightmares, he was all too aware that he was the one who stabbed Oskar and he was the one who hadn't tried to save him.

It was a lie which haunted him for all of his life. When he died in the Quarter Quell, in the moment his head touched the forcefield, his last thought was, _Oskar, this is for you_.

3) "I don't love you"

When he was twenty-three, he met Penny Acar. She was beautiful, funny, smart, caring and made him feel normal. In many ways, she was perfect.

The problem with their relationship was Blight. Post-Games Blight was very different from pre-Games Blight, even five years on. When he dreamed, he dreamed of the Games. He often woke to discover he had walked in his sleep and was subconsciously tearing at something. No one lived in his house: he was terrified about what he would do if someone _was_ there.

But it was worse than that. When Blight was angry, he would become irrationally violent. Never to another person – always to his belongings – but he could imagine how terrifying it was to watch him act that way.

And it would only be a matter of time before his anger turned on Penny.

He'd tried to warn her of this. She always assured him that she trusted him. She was sure he wouldn't hurt her. She seemed to conveniently forget the times when he had come worryingly close to doing so. And he could easily hurt her. Although he wasn't as in shape as he had been during the Games, he was still strong.

His private fear was that he would hurt her and then apologise and tell her he loved her – and she would stay with him. She would endure all of his abuse because she loved him and he loved her. As time went on and they seemed to become closer and closer, he became more and more convinced that she deserved someone better. Someone who was less likely to kill her.

In one of their arguments, the answer occurred to him. As she said that she loved him and she knew he loved her so he wouldn't hurt her, he cut her off.

"I don't, Penny," he said. "I don't love you."

The words hurt to get out.

"I don't believe you," she said.

"It's true. I don't love you."

The problem was that Blight had gotten too good at lying. He convinced her that he didn't love her. She left him.

Blight never hurt Penny physically. She eventually met someone new, married him and had a family. Blight tried to ignore the lump in his throat every time he saw them together. Part of him wondered whether he would ever have hurt her – if he loved her, maybe he wouldn't have. But it was better not to take the risk.

Regardless, one of his biggest regrets when he died was that he never had the chance to correct his lie.

4) "You're going to go home."

Blight was a mentor during the Sixty-fourth, the Sixty-sixth, the Seventieth and the Seventy-fourth Games. Each time he was presented with a tribute, he tried to teach them as well as he could. He assessed their strengths and weaknesses and told them how to act in the arena. He suggested weapons and skills to learn. He bargained for sponsorship, even begging on one or two occasions.

The lie started with the first tribute. The boy was a scrawny fourteen year old who confessed to being scared on the night before the Games. Blight, who had never been much of a 'heart-to-heart' conversationalist, sat him down and reassured him. His final words to the boy were, "Don't worry. You're going to go home."

The tribute died in the bloodbath. Horrible as it felt, Blight realised he wasn't too surprised.

Blight tried to rationalise his lie on the basis that every tribute _did_ go home – generally in a coffin. But that wasn't the point. The point was that he'd told that tribute he would go home on the basis he would win. And he hadn't really believed it himself.

But when he was faced with his next tribute, he realised that although he lacked faith in this one as well, surprises had happened before. So when they talked, he said to him, "You're going to go home. I believe in you."

The longest any of his tributes lasted was in the Seventieth Games: his tribute came third, drowning in the flood. He'd had the potential to win. But he hadn't which made it a lie.

In the Quarter Quell, when he and Johanna talked, the day before they were due to go into the arena, Blight considered telling her that she would go home. But Johanna wasn't the sort of person who would appreciate such reassurance. And Blight didn't want to lie to another tribute.

So he told her goodnight instead.

5) "I'm happy with the way my life turned out."

Blight and Johanna spent their time after the Quarter Quell interview talking. Even though Johanna was thirteen years younger than he was, he found her blunt personality refreshing. It matched his well. She didn't seem to like him much but he had the feeling that appearances were deceptive in her case.

As time stretched on, their conversation became oddly philosophical – as philosophical as the pair of them could be anyway. Eventually, Johanna asked him if he was glad he won the Games.

He hesitated for a brief moment before saying. "Yeah. I mean, I'm happy with the way my life turned out."

She nodded and didn't probe. He didn't ask her the question back. He had heard about the murder of her family after she had refused to work as a prostitute for Snow. There was nothing to be gained from quizzing her.

When they parted, he found himself wishing he'd actually told her the truth. Even though the room had undoubtedly been bugged, it would have been nice to tell the truth for once in his life. To tell someone about the fear he felt every time he even _saw_ something related to the Games – that the reason he hadn't gone to training wasn't because he didn't see the point but because the thought of training to kill made him feel sick. About the nightmare Oskars and other tributes which plagued his sleep. How he'd forced his girlfriend away from him and, eventually, his family. His failure to bring four boys home to District 7.

But he'd made the image for himself of the strong-willed, cool and rational victor and now wasn't the time to demolish it. At least he had one thing left he could do: help bring President Snow down. Make it so no one else had to live his life.

After he helped Johanna bring Wiress and Beetee through the blood rain, it occurred to him that if he died, he would be happy. Not about dying but about _how_ he was dying. Even if he hadn't done the right thing for all of his life (no matter how he had tried), his death would be for the right reasons. He might not have been happy with how his life turned out but he would be happy with his death.

It was just a pity that no one would ever know that.


End file.
